Growing Old(er) Together

July is a month of birthdays for us. We start off with my birthday on the fourth, and end with Mark's on the thirty-first. Most of the year, I joke about how old Mark is. From the fourth until the thirtieth, though, he gets to enjoy knowing that we are both "the same age" for a little while.

I remember when we first met with Fr. Josef to ask if he would agree to marry us. He asked us a simple a question: why do you want to get married? The correct answer for him was not "because we love each other," but rather "because we want to spend the rest of our lives together." That's marriage, isn't it? You agree to spend the rest of your life with another person in the sacrament of holy matrimony.

There is something special about getting married (relatively) young. Let me preface this discussion with a little disclaimer. Begin tiny disclaimer text: I don't mean to say that everyone should get married straight out of college. In fact, I think that the environment at some universities (like Baylor) can push people to do what people tend to do around 30. Senior year comes around and everyone is getting engaged, and by golly the guy you are with right now is nice and there is no reason for you to not get engaged, too. It's easy to get lost in the pretty gowns, cakes, and floral arrangements. You can easily envision your house in the suburbs, the kids you'll raise and send to Baylor, etc. Each relationship, however, is its own unique entity. Some people can date for a month, know it is love, get married soon after, and never part. Others love living together and raising kids, but feel no need to contract into marriage. I'm not here to pass judgment, just to share three things that I think are unique about our relationship.

1. There isn't much history that we don't know about each other. No need to run background checks here.

2. We have been able to spend a lot of time with each other's families. Mark spent a lot of time with my family throughout high school. Over the years I got to know his family pretty well, too. I think we both feel like we are really lucky in the in-laws department. Marriage doesn't just bring two people together, it brings two families together--don't discount the impact that knowing and loving your new, extended family can have on your life and relationship with your significant other.

3. We get to grow old together. We went through half of high school as friends. We grew a lot together during our four years at universities in different cities. We comforted each other when the distance became difficult to handle. Once I decided to go through rush, I convinced Mark to go through fraternity rush. When classes got tough, we talked each other through it. Now, we have the rest of life's milestones and rough patches to go through together.

We will be together for the wonderful times like promotions, anniversaries, moves to new cities, purchasing a house, international trips, and all other such things. We will also be together to support each other through the times when our jobs aren't going so well, when stress overwhelms one or both of us, when the bus is full, traffic is bad, coffee spills on a shirt, and nothing seems to be going right. We'll be there:
leaning on each other,
      letting our shirts get soaked through with the tears (and, let's be honest, the snot) of the other,
           trying to make everything right with words and hugs and kisses,
                    leaving a note in a lunch box when the other's week has been difficult,
                         celebrating the little victories, like a first attempt at a Thanksgiving turkey going well,
                    being that silly, annoying young couple that breaks out into song and dance at Whole Foods,
          buying a bottle of wine, just because,
     trying to find our way through places like Greece, Italy, and Spain...and oftentimes, our own backyard,
and finding our individual places in the world together, as a couple.

Not only are we getting to grow old together, but we are also getting to grow together.

We hope we get a long time with each other. A long life is not a given. We know that. Once Mark moved up to Chicago, we started our own little ritual. Every time one of us leaves the apartment, we give each other an "I love you" and four kisses: one for love, one for safety, one for luck, and one for you. Usually, I also get a little kiss on the forehead, just cuz. Perhaps it is a silly little ritual, but neither of us leaves the apartment without it. I think I'm just writing this paragraph because Kidd Kraddick died last weekend. He wasn't supposed to die. He was young, about to get engaged, did so much good in the world, and even had a daughter about my age. I grew up listening to his radio show. When I moved to Waco, and later to Chicago, listening to his morning show made me feel just a little less homesick. Each day of life is not guaranteed.

That's no way to end a blog post, so here are some pictures from our celebrations of Mark's birthday:

Brunch at Perennial Virant (we recommend it):
 raspberry mimosa, raspberry and orange glazed doughnut,
and french toast with lemon curd, blueberries, and nuts

Home-cooked steaks with wine on July 31, not pictured:
creamed corn and super-rich mashed potatoes. Also, we
ate on paper plates because we already packed our real plates 0.o

Mark with his little birthday fruit tart (totally his decision for birthday dessert)
and ridiculously long hair. He got it cut today. You'll see it next week.